i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
