In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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