I bet he comes in French.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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