I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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