so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
