my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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