So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
