I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
