ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
