not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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