Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
