He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
