I'm really into asian looking animals
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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