Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you made out with another girl for some wings
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
