you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
