we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Actions speak louder than pants.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
