Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
