apparently the secret to your success is patron
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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