I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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