Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
