Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
