Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
