I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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