another moral hangover. fuck.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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