there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
