Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
