Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Someone shattered a urinal.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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