Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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