What a fucking waste of an outfit
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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