it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
