I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
