he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So much rum. So many feels.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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