so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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