I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
