Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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