Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
