He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
