so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
