just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
