kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
