Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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