I bet he comes in French.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
