:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
