nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
