Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
