Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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