So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
