Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm passing your future prison.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
