i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
