I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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