At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
babies were throwing up all over the place
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
there is glitter all over my balls
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