Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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