Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
barbara walters just said penis...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
