I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I deserve this hangover.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
