Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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